Pregnant Blonde

The other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly
but I thought, 'what the heck', and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

She said, "I have some really great news!"

I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."

She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant. I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great I couldn't be happier for you!"

Then she said, "There's more!"

I asked, "What do you mean there's more."

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.

She said.... "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!"

One Night In A Bar

One night, while tending bar, the bartender notices this hideous looking fella at the far end of the bar with several hot women around him.
Finally, the bartender's curiosity gets the best of him, and he walks down to where the ugly man is.
The bartender says, "Please don't get offended when I tell you this, but I couldn't help noticing you have several beautiful women hanging all over you, and, forgive me, but you are not exactly the most handsome person I've ever seen. In fact, you're quite ugly. Now, normally, I would think these ladies are attracted to you because of your money, but I can tell by the way you're dressed and the fact that they are buying YOU drinks, it's not the money. Tell me, sir, ......what is it about you that these women are so crazy about?"

The man paused a moment......licked his eyebrows, and said, "I haven't the foggiest idea."

Pink Flamingoes

I've not seen a mention of the above film yet.

It came out in late 70s/early 80s and starred Divine, the monstrous american tranny. The film was so disgusting it was only shown at private viewings. We used to go to the Phoenix in East Finchley - late night double-bills - and they had it on one night.

The finale of the film shows Divine walking his dog down the street, the dog stops, poohs on the road, Divine bends down, scoops it up and puts it in his mouth, chews with mouth open.

At this point the WHOLE AUDIENCE says in unison:

"OH MY GOD!!!"

I've no idea if it is real or not, but it certainly looks real.